So, I’ve been trying to get a handle on this whole “temperance as feelings” thing. It’s not as straightforward as it sounds, at least not for me. I started by, well, just trying to notice my feelings more. Sounds simple, right? But I realized I’m usually so caught up in my head, I barely register what’s going on emotionally.
I started by setting aside a few minutes each day, just to sit and, like, check in with myself. I’d close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and try to tune into what I was feeling. At first, it was mostly just…blank. Or I’d be thinking about my to-do list. But I kept at it.
- Day 1: Mostly just felt restless and fidgety. Noticed I was clenching my jaw.
- Day 2: A little bit of frustration popped up. Something about a work email.
- Day 3: Actually felt…calm? For like, five minutes. It was weird.
- Day 4: Realized that I was very uncomforable and wanted to get out my feeling.
It was like slowly tuning a radio, trying to find a clear signal amidst the static. I realized I spend a lot of time either numb or just vaguely anxious. So, the next step was trying to not react immediately to those feelings. This is where the “temperance” part comes in, I guess.
Usually, if I feel anxious, I’d immediately start scrolling through my phone, or find something to distract myself with. Instead, I tried to just…sit with it. Let the feeling be there, without trying to push it away or fix it. It was uncomfortable, to say the least.
The Hard Part (and Still Working on It)
The hardest part is definitely identifying the feeling underneath the surface. Like, I might think I’m just “stressed,” but when I really pay attention, it’s actually a mix of fear and resentment. And then, not judging myself for having those feelings. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
I’m still very much a beginner at this. I’m not suddenly overflowing with Zen-like calm. But I’m starting to see that my feelings aren’t these scary, overwhelming things I need to run away from. They’re just…information. Messy, sometimes unpleasant information, but still valuable. And the more I practice just letting them be there, without judgment or reaction, the less power they seem to have over me. I realized that I’ve become more patient than before.
It’s a work in progress, for sure. But it feels like I’m finally starting to get somewhere.I hope i can keep learning and make progress.
