Alright, let’s talk about this thing I’ve been trying out lately. Someone called it the ‘giraffe spirit’. Sounds a bit out there, I know. Not about actual giraffes, obviously. More about, like, trying to see things from a bit higher up? And maybe being less… bitey? More gentle, I guess.
Honestly, I got started because I was just getting tangled up in stupid arguments. You know how it goes. Someone says something, you react, they react back, and suddenly you’re both mad about something you can’t even remember starting. Happened with my partner, happened at the store checkout, even online. Just noise and bad feelings. It was exhausting.
So, I Gave This ‘Giraffe’ Thing a Go
I didn’t read a big manual or anything. Just picked up the basic idea: try to see what’s really going on behind the words. What people are actually feeling or needing, including myself. And then, try to talk about that instead of just blaming or complaining. Easier said than done, let me tell you.
Here’s kind of what I tried to do, step-by-step, when I felt myself getting worked up:
- Stop. Just stop talking. Seriously, this was the hardest part. Just zip it for a second.
- Look at what actually happened. Not my story about it, not who’s right or wrong. Just the facts. Like, “The dishes weren’t done,” not “You never do the dishes, you’re so lazy.” Big difference.
- Figure out how I felt. Annoyed? Sure. But maybe also disappointed? Tired? Overwhelmed? Trying to name the real feeling, not just ‘mad’.
- Guess what I needed. Maybe I needed help? Or maybe just some appreciation? Or maybe just 5 minutes of quiet?
- Try to ask for that. This is the really tricky bit. Instead of yelling about the dishes, trying something like, “Hey, when I see the dishes piled up, I feel overwhelmed because I need some help keeping the place tidy. Would you be willing to tackle them?”
How It Actually Went Down
Okay, full disclosure: it felt super awkward at first. Like I was reading from a script written by a robot therapist. Sometimes the other person just looked at me funny. Sometimes I couldn’t even figure out what I was feeling or needing, I was just plain angry. Old habits die hard, right?
There was this one time my neighbor was playing music really loud, late at night. My first instinct was to bang on the wall or stomp over there yelling. Instead, I waited till the next morning. Went over, took a breath, and said something like, “Hey, last night the music was going pretty late, and I was feeling really stressed because I desperately needed to sleep for work. Could we maybe figure out a volume level or a cut-off time that works for both of us?”
He was actually cool about it! Surprised me, honestly. Said he didn’t realize how loud it was. We worked something out. Didn’t fix everything overnight, but it was way better than starting a neighbor war.
Other times? It totally bombed. I tried the ‘feeling and needing’ thing and just got shut down or ignored. It’s not magic. And sometimes, I just didn’t have the energy. Sometimes I still just got mad. I’m human, you know?
But overall? Trying to bring in this ‘giraffe’ way of thinking – seeing taller, speaking gentler – has been… interesting. It forces me to slow down and actually think before I react. It doesn’t always work, but when it does, things feel calmer. Less fighting, more understanding. Even if the understanding is just me understanding myself a bit better. Still feels like a work in progress, but yeah, I’m gonna keep trying it.
