Alright, let’s talk about this journey I’ve been on. For the longest time, I was all about doing things myself. Especially when it came to money and, well, just relying on anyone too much. Felt safer, you know? Keep things separate, keep control. Getting too tangled up with others, sharing resources, talking about the really deep, messy stuff? Nah, that wasn’t for me. I felt strong being independent.
Then, a while back, I stumbled into some astrology stuff. Wasn’t really looking for life answers, more curious than anything. And I came across this thing called the ‘North Node’, and mine was apparently in the 8th house. Honestly, at first, it sounded like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. Something about shared resources, intimacy, transformation, death, other people’s money… all the stuff I actively avoided. My first thought was, “No way, that’s the opposite of me.” It felt uncomfortable, like being told I needed to walk into a dark room I’d deliberately kept locked.
Facing the Music
Life has a funny way of pushing you, though. Around that time, things got complicated. I ended up in a situation where finances got seriously intertwined with someone else. It wasn’t planned, it just happened – a shared debt thing came up unexpectedly. Man, I hated it. Every fiber of my being screamed against having to depend on someone else, having to have those awkward, vulnerable conversations about money. It brought up so much fear and resentment.
Before that, my relationships were often kept at a certain level. Friendly, sure, but deep vulnerability? True merging of lives? I’d pull back. This North Node thing seemed to be pointing right at that pattern. It felt like life was saying, “Okay, Mr. Independent, time to learn a different way.”
So, what did I actually do? It wasn’t like flipping a switch. It was messy and slow.
- I started small: Just trying to be more open in conversations, even when it felt incredibly awkward. Sharing a little more than I usually would.
- Facing the financial stuff head-on: Instead of avoiding it, I forced myself to sit down, make spreadsheets, have the tough talks about the shared debt. It was awful at first, really stressful.
- Letting people help: This was a big one. Accepting help, whether financial or emotional, without feeling like a complete failure. Still working on this one, honestly.
- Looking at my own ‘dark stuff’: Started thinking about my fears around loss, control, and why I kept people at arm’s length. Didn’t exactly go digging for trauma with a shovel, but became more aware of my own patterns and triggers.
- Reading and Listening: Not just astrology, but general stuff about vulnerability, trust, managing finances in partnerships. Just trying to understand the mechanics of it all.
What I’ve Noticed So Far
It’s been a process, and it’s definitely not over. But things have shifted. That intense need for total self-sufficiency has softened. I realized that true strength isn’t always about standing alone. Sometimes, it’s about leaning on someone and letting them lean on you. Sharing resources, whether it’s money, time, or emotional support, doesn’t have to mean losing yourself. It can actually build something stronger.
Dealing with that shared debt thing, as much as I hated it initially, forced a level of honesty and teamwork I hadn’t experienced before. It wasn’t fun, but we got through it, and weirdly, it created a stronger bond. Facing uncomfortable truths, whether about money or deeper emotional stuff, feels less terrifying now. Still not pleasant, mind you, but not paralyzing.
It’s like learning to swim in deeper water. Scary at first, you feel out of your depth, but eventually, you find a new way to navigate. I found that being truly intimate with someone, sharing the burdens and the resources, brings a different kind of security. It’s not the security of controlling everything yourself, but the security of knowing you’re not alone in the trenches.
So yeah, that’s been my experience grappling with this North Node in the 8th house direction. It’s pushed me way out of my comfort zone, made me confront things I’d rather have ignored. But looking back, I wouldn’t trade the lessons. It’s an ongoing practice, learning to trust, merge, and navigate those deeper, shared aspects of life. It’s definitely not easy, but it feels… necessary. More real, somehow.
