Okay, let’s talk about this North Node in the 9th house thing. It wasn’t like I woke up one day and bam, knew what it meant. Took a long while, lots of just feeling… itchy? Yeah, itchy is a good word for it.
Feeling Stuck in the Small Stuff
For years, honestly, I was all about the details. What people nearby were doing, the local news, getting bogged down in emails, phone calls, just endless chatter. It felt busy, you know? Like I was doing stuff. But deep down, it felt kinda… empty? Like running on a hamster wheel. I knew my little world really well, could tell you anything about my street, my town, the people I saw every day. Comfortable, but small. Too small, eventually.
I’d get these weird urges, this feeling like there had to be more than just this. More than the gossip, more than the routine, more than just knowing the facts without knowing why they mattered. It was confusing because part of me liked the comfort zone. Liked knowing what to expect. But another part was screaming to get out.
Taking the First Awkward Steps
So, what did I do? It wasn’t some grand plan. It was messy. I remember booking a trip, like, way out there. Not a beach vacation, but somewhere totally different culturally. Felt stupid doing it, honestly. Why spend the money? Why go somewhere I knew nothing about? It was scary.
- Packed my bags feeling like an idiot.
- Got on the plane thinking I’d made a huge mistake.
- Landed and felt completely lost.
But something happened over there. Seeing how different people lived, their beliefs, their way of looking at the world… it cracked something open in me. It wasn’t just facts anymore; it was a whole different way of being. It made my old small world feel even smaller when I got back.
Leaning Into the Unknown
That trip was just the start. It kicked off this hunger. I started reading stuff I never would have touched before. Philosophy, different religions, ancient history. Not just textbooks, but diving deep into things that made me question everything I thought I knew. It felt uncomfortable a lot of the time. Like my brain was stretching in ways it didn’t want to.
I even tried going back to school, not for a career necessarily, but just to learn something big and complex. Took a course on ethics, another on world religions. Sat in classes feeling like the dumbest person there sometimes. But I kept showing up. Had arguments (mostly in my head) with the professors, with the books. It forced me to build my own understanding, my own beliefs, not just echo what I heard around me.
Where I’m At Now
It’s not like I’ve “arrived” or anything. This 9th house stuff feels like a lifelong journey. But that itchy feeling? It’s mostly gone. Replaced by a feeling of… direction? Yeah, like I’m pointing towards something bigger now.
I find myself looking for the big picture in things. Trying to understand the ‘why’. Trusting my gut feeling, my intuition, more than just cold hard facts sometimes. It’s about finding meaning, I guess. And sharing what I find, what I believe, feels important now. Not in a preachy way, just… putting it out there.
So yeah, moving from that small, chatty world (South Node in 3rd, someone told me later) towards this bigger, more open space (North Node in 9th) has been… a trip. Literally and figuratively. Wasn’t easy, still isn’t always. But man, it feels a whole lot more real. Like I’m finally breathing fresh air after being stuck inside for too long. It’s about finding your truth, I suppose, and having the guts to live by it. Still working on it, every single day.
